关于自责, 苛责(toxic shame, self-blame, lay blame at oneself, beat oneself up, self-accusation, self-condemantion): 1. self-blame 自责. 2. Did you feel that way? 就是指有没有先自责吗, Larry后边说了一句话重问, Did you lay any blame at yourself 责怪自己 though? . 2. beat up I. (transitive) To give a severe beating to. I got beaten up by thugs on my way home. II. To attack suddenly; to alarm. III. To cause by some other means, injuries comparable to the result of being beaten up. IV. (reflexive) To feel badly guilty and accuse oneself over something. Usually followed by over or about. Don't beat yourself up over 过度自责 such a minor mistake. beat oneself up 过度自责, 自责不已, 懊悔不已. Fig. to be overly critical of one's behavior or actions; to punish oneself with guilt and remorse over past actions. (Not a physical beating. Fixed order.) It's over and done with. There's no need to beat yourself up. He's beating himself up over his role in the accident. kick oneself (for doing something) 后悔死了 Fig. to regret doing something. If you say that you'll kick yourself when or if something happens, you mean that you will feel angry with yourself because you have done something stupid or missed an opportunity. You'll kick yourself when I tell you who came in just after you left. If I don't get one now and they've sold out by next week, I'll kick myself. I could just kick myself for going off and not locking the car door. Now the car has been stolen. Don't kick yourself. It's insured. 3. Self-incrimination 自揭罪行( self-accusation 自责： an admission that you have failed to do or be something you know you should do or be. Self-condemnation: Condemnation of one's self by one's own judgment.) is the act of exposing oneself (generally, by making a statement) "to an accusation or charge of crime; to involve oneself or another [person] in a criminal prosecution or the danger thereof." Self-incrimination can occur either directly or indirectly: directly, by means of interrogation where information of a self-incriminatory nature is disclosed; indirectly, when information of a self-incriminatory nature is disclosed voluntarily without pressure from another person. 4. Colgan had been first on the scene([口]出现, 到场, 在场). Never had he witnessed such savagery(野蛮,残暴,兽性). Nor such lack of remorse(懊悔, 自责). 5. 各种shame和什么是double bind: Shame is, variously, an affect, emotion, cognition, state, or condition. The roots of the word shame are thought to derive from an older word meaning "to cover"; as such, covering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a natural expression of shame. A "sense of shame" is the consciousness or awareness of shame as a state or condition. Such shame cognition may occur as a result of the experience of shame affect or, more generally, in any situation of embarrassment, dishonor, disgrace, inadequacy, humiliation, or chagrin. A condition or state of shame may also be assigned externally, by others, regardless of one's own experience or awareness. "To shame" generally means to actively assign or communicate a state of shame to another. Behaviors designed to "uncover" or "expose" others are sometimes used for this purpose, as are utterances like "Shame!" or "Shame on you!" Finally, to "have shame" 知道羞耻, 知耻 means to maintain a sense of restraint against offending others (as with modesty, humility, and deference) while to "have no shame" 恬不知耻, 没羞没臊 is to behave without such restraint (as with excessive pride or hubris). The location of the dividing line between the concepts of shame, guilt, and embarrassment is not fully standardized. Genuine shame 真正丢脸的事: is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame 他人归错于你, 把不是你的错归罪到你头上, 怪罪于你, 而你也开始羞愧于此: is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind ( I. A psychological impasse created when contradictory demands are made of an individual, such as a child or an employee, so that no matter which directive is followed, the response will be construed as incorrect. II. A situation in which a person must choose between equally unsatisfactory alternatives; a punishing and inescapable dilemma. a situation of conflict from which there is no escape; unresolvable dilemma. ) form of false shaming; "He brought what we did to him upon himself". 关于false shame的解说: It can, at times, be difficult to distinguish between real and false shame since we live in a world that's upside down, inside out and backwards黑白颠倒, 是非倒错 relative to The Truth. That can even cause problems for folks who do have their Doctor of Divinity( Doctor of Divinity( [di'viniti] another word for theology) 神学博士 (D.D. or DD, Divinitatis Doctor in Latin) is an advanced academic degree in divinity. Historically, it identified one who had been licensed by a university to teach Christian theology or related religious subjects. In the United Kingdom, Doctor of Divinity has traditionally been the highest doctorate granted by universities, usually conferred upon a religious scholar of standing and distinction. In the U.S.A, the D.D. is traditionally an honorary degree granted by a church-related college, seminary, or university to recognize the recipient's ministry-orientated accomplishments.) since many cemetaries, I mean seminaries, are obsessed with humanistic philosophy and tradition rather than the teachings of Y'Shua. I recall myself being told: "forget what you learned in church and go back to what you learned from The Word". I find shame and guilt as blood brothers 亲兄弟, 血亲兄弟. One brings about the other. I find myself caught in false shame many times because my health prohibits me to do what I want to do. True shame and guilt are different matters. If you've done a shameful act 可持行为, 可耻行径, guilt acts as a warning that something is amiss, and hopefully leads to remorse and forgiveness. False shame and guilt are self inflicted only. NO ONE can make you feel shamed or guilt. They can try to press your buttons, but it's up to you to let that button to be pushed, and this is contrary to anything I've read in the Bible. On the flipside( flip side 另一方面 I. Lit. the "other" side of a phonograph record. On the flip side, we have another version of "Love Me Tender" sung by Sandy Softly. You really should listen to the flip side sometime. II. Fig. another aspect of a situation. On the flip side, if we lower the taxes it may stimulate consumer spending. catch you on the flip side see you later. talk to you soon. I'll catch you on the flip side. ), false shame works like this: Before I became a believer, I went to college on a four-year scholarship. But after a year, somewhat impulsively一时冲动之下 (actually, bordering more on insanity) I dropped out of school and thought this is a waste of my time. I never went back. I now regret that decision. Nevertheless, I got very involved in music and then became a Christian. Now years later, I find myself in a world where education is not an option, it's a necessity. Sometimes in social circles and pastoral peer networks I can feel ashamed because of my lack of academic credentials. I feel inferior. This is a false shame, a measurement made with the wrong tools. My worth comes from the fact that God values me...enough to pay the ultimate price for me. Secret shame 不愿意人知的丢脸的事, 比如偷过东西, 或者有什么不良嗜好: describes the idea of being ashamed to be ashamed, so causing ashamed people to keep their shame a secret. secret shame的解说(难以启齿的事情, 藏在内心深处的秘密): First let us take a look at the exact meaning of secret shame. It is considered the feeling of guilt, embarrassment, and dishonour that is held internally. There is no limit to the things that create it because as humans, we can be ashamed of ourselves for many reasons. Not meeting perceived social, family, or religious standards are common causes, but so is childhood abuse and not meeting an expected adult behaviour, such as one cheats on her spouse. Shame is the internalizing response to not meeting a standard that we place on ourselves or others place upon us. Toxic shame 对自我的完全否定, 过度自责而把自己归结为一个坏人, 觉得自己是个坏人: describes false, pathological shame, and Bradshaw states that toxic shame is induced, inside children, by all forms of child abuse. Incest and other forms of child sexual abuse can cause particularly severe toxic shame. Toxic shame often induces what is known as complex trauma in children who cannot cope with toxic shaming as it occurs and who dissociate the shame until it is possible to cope with. Vicarious shame为他人的行为而羞耻害臊( vicarious [vi'kɛəriəs] I. Felt or undergone as if one were taking part in the experience or feelings of another: read about mountain climbing and experienced vicarious thrills身临其境的不寒而栗. II. Endured or done by one person substituting for another: vicarious punishment代人受过. III. a. Acting or serving in place of someone or something else; substituted. b. Committed or entrusted to another, as powers or authority; delegated.): refers to the experience of shame on behalf of another person. Individuals vary in their tendency to experience vicarious shame, which is related to neuroticism and to the tendency to experience personal shame. Extremely shame-prone people might even experience vicarious shame even to an increased degree, in other words: shame on behalf of another person who is already feeling shame on behalf of a third party (or possibly on behalf of the individual proper). toxic shame的例子和详细解释(toxic shame是对自我的完全否定, 认为自己本性, 自己作为一个人有问题, guilty是忏悔自己为什么要那么做, healthy shame是对事件本身的反悔.): "Guilt", writes Potter-Effron, "lets you know when you've violated your own values". While shame is about "one's shortcomings as a total being", guilt is about a "transgression, a reaction to what is deemed an inappropriate action." I know I'm not the only one who suffers from dreams of being caught naked in public. But my toxic shame would tell me that I am. And not only that, but that I am a fool to even disclose myself in writing and furthermore, not to ever write anything personal again. Such recurrent dreams and automatic thoughts are symptomatic of Toxic Shame: a core belief in one's defectiveness-- an incredible enemy to all levels of health. Shame blocks developmental progress, invites and underlies most addictions, and can present formidable obstacles in normative relapse prevention. Toxic shame is mostly driven and passed on from one generation to the next. Lasting recovery 一劳永逸的恢复 requires breaking the pattern by replacing toxic shame with normal guilt and healthy shame. For example: my parakeet gets sick and dies. Toxic shame tells me I'm an uncaring person; that I kill everything I touch. But guilt tells me I move too fast and failed to notice the bird wasn't eating. Healthy guilt related the cause to what happened, and not to "me" as "bad". double bind 左右不是, 怎么说怎么做都不对的境地, 自相矛盾的命令: A double bind is an emotionally distressing dilemma in communication in which an individual (or group) receives two or more conflicting messages, in which one message negates the other. This creates a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other (and vice versa), so that the person will be automatically wrong regardless of response. The double bind occurs when the person cannot confront the inherent dilemma, and therefore cannot resolve it or opt out of the situation. Double binds are often utilized as a form of control without open coercion—the use of confusion makes them difficult to respond to or resist. A double bind generally includes different levels of abstraction in orders of messages, and these messages can be stated or implicit within the context of the situation, or conveyed by tone of voice or body language. Further complications arise when frequent double binds are part of an ongoing relationship to which the person or group is committed. 例子1: The classic example given of a negative double bind is of a mother telling her child that she loves him or her, while at the same time turning away in disgust. (The words are socially acceptable; the body language is in conflict with it). The child doesn't know how to respond to the conflict between the words and the body language and, because the child is dependent on the mother for basic needs, he or she is in a quandary迷惑不解. Small children have difficulty articulating contradictions verbally and can neither ignore them nor leave the relationship. 例子2: Grown-up-in-authority to child: "Speak when you're spoken to" and "Don't talk back!". These phrases have such time-honoured status that the contradiction between them is rarely perceived: If the child speaks when spoken to then he cannot avoid answering back. If he does not answer back then he fails to speak when spoken to. Whatever the child does he is always in the wrong. 例子3: Child-abuser to child: "You should have escaped from me earlier, now it's too late—because now, nobody will believe that you didn't want what I have done", while at the same time blocking all of the child's attempts to escape. Child-abusers often start the double-bind relationship by "grooming" the child, giving little concessions, or gifts or privileges to them, thus the primary injunction强制令, 命令, 禁令 is: "You should like what you are getting from me!" When the child begins to go along (i.e. begins to like what she or he is receiving from the person), then the interaction goes to the next level and small victimization occurs, with the secondary injunction being: "I am punishing you! (for whatever reason the child-abuser is coming up with (e.g. "because you were bad/naughty/messy", or "because you deserve it", or "because you made me do it", etc )). If child shows any resistance做出任何反抗 (or tries to escape) from the abuser, then the words: "You should have escaped from me earlier (...)" serve as the third level or tertiary injunction. Then the loop starts to feed on itself, allowing for ever worse victimization欺负, 欺骗, 害人 to occur. 例子4: Mother to son: "Leave your sister alone!", while the son knows his sister will approach and antagonize him to get him into trouble. The primary injunction is the command, which he will be punished for breaking. The secondary injunction is the knowledge that his sister will get into conflict with him, but his mother will not know the difference and will default to punishing him. He may be under the impression that if he argues with his mother, he may be punished. One possibility for the son to escape this double bind is to realize that his sister only antagonizes him to make him feel anxious (if indeed it is the reason behind his sister's behavior). If he were not bothered about punishment, his sister might not bother him. He could also leave the situation entirely, avoiding both the mother and the sister. The sister can't claim to be bothered by a non-present brother, and the mother can't punish (nor scapegoat) a non-present son. There are other solutions that are realised through creative application of logic and reasoning. shame相关的用法: Slut shaming (also hyphenated as slut-shaming 有连字符的 ( hyphenate = hyphen ['haifəˌneit] vt. I. to join by a hyphen. II. to write or divide with a hyphen. adj. hyphenated. n. I. 全才, 多面手. 多才多艺. a person working in more than one craft or occupation: a hyphenate in the film industry who has gained fame as a writer-director-producer. auditioned singer-dancers, actor-models, and other hyphenates. II. a person of mixed national origin or identity. )) is defined as the act of making a woman feel guilty or inferior感觉自己低级, 下等, 低人一等 for engaging in certain sexual behaviors that violate traditional gender expectations. It is also used as a form of victim blaming for rape and sexual assault, such as claiming the crime was caused (either in part or in full) due the woman wearing revealing clothing 衣着暴露 or previously acting in a forward挑逗的, sexual manner before not consenting to sex. It is also a term often used to provide support for women who lead or have led sexually promiscuous lifestyles. In such context, it is implied that women should not bear the burden of responsibility for indiscriminate sexual history, and that their current or former lifestyle should not effect perceptions of their social value as individuals. Specifically, it is emphasized by users of the term that men should not consider current or former sexual promiscuity as a factor during selection of female mating partners. name and shame点名批评, 耻辱榜, 公开警告, 示众: To name and shame is to "publicly say that a person, group or business has done something wrong". It is used to discourage some kinds of activity (including anti-social or criminal) by publishing the names of those involved. It has been used variously against customers of prostitutes, shoplifters, abortionists, homosexuals (see "outing"), graffiti artists, and spies.
